It's been 4 years since I last typed up a blog and I haven't revisited any of the older blogs i've posted since then, so allow me to reintroduce my ideology, thoughts, insecurities, vulnerabilities and any other gobbledygook that the voice in my head tells me to say. First and Foremost I would just like to say, everything I have ever written or typed in the past is shit. pure unadulterated shit. With that being said allow me to spit out more unadulterated shit.
Let us begin with stating the obvious. It's kinda scary out there. I've been seeing a lot of stores closing and even big brands shutting down. The word "Oversaturated" doesn't even begin to describe the landscape of what's happening. Does anyone even know whats happening? No. Everyone is simply doing what they can, with what they got. And I am one of them. I mentioned the word insecurities above and that is something i'd like to get into.
We are all human, we all convey emotions, we might even share a lot of the same feelings and opinions. In fact, i'm sure we do. I care about what other people think , even though I don't want to. I look at what other people have instead of being happy with what's on my plate. I am not where i'd like to be...BUT WHO ISN'T?? WHO DOESN'T?? Jesus Christ what am I gonna do? Keep crying about it? That's just pathetic. Let's be real, emotions are bullshit. They are a biological psyop made to distract us from what's actually going on around us.
Sometimes I get caught in a vicious cycle of self deprecation. I make up a ton of scenarios that don't exist and then exhaust myself so much I become nihilistic to everything around me. Fuck everything, fuck the world, fuck everybody, fuck life....nah y'know what? FUCK ALL THAT! I can't think that way. that's how cancer grows. I snap out of it and realize that that's not me and those feelings are fleeing. They pass me by like a wave and the crash down on me until I wash back up on shore. And the cycle starts again. (I should note, during that cycle is a long period of time where I am elated and filled with joy)
Life is not what it seems. Here I am bubbling snot and wiping tears of frustration off my face while seeing how "perfect" someone else's insta is. (typing that was really hard) It's actually a sad thing. I beat myself up and begin wanting what another person or brand has. When in actuality I should be hyping myself up with everything that I have and have done. But listen, it ain't gonna change. Everyone will continue posting their highlights and accolades. Which makes total sense, of course. If you're trying make something appear bigger than it is then you would only show the best moments. I mean c'mon, who really wants to see my pop up where only 7 people came? haha! seriously, only 7 people came. I'd be lying if i said i wasn't embarrassed.
I'm a fool for getting into whats already been said about social media but Idk man, sometimes I just gotta hear it again. The grass is not greener, it's a different color for everyone. At the same time I ooze with jealousy, someone might want what I have. Funny innit? But hey, Although I don't have a budget or a team of employees and although I am not popping up around the world, renting luxury whips, lining a Goyard bag with foreign bills. I can say I own all of my equipment, I can drop wayyy more graphics than a number of brands can, my overhead is a lot lower, everything is made for the person who ordered it so i'm not sitting on a bunch of old inventory. Being small, that's my secret weapon. I will stay small for the foreseeable future and in that I will continue to grow...slow and steady.
What I'm saying is, the world is not crumbling! Although there is a ton of bullshit and outside stressors that make it seem like you aren't doing what you need to be doing, or something isn't how you wanted it, it's fine. It's all fine. Everyone is making their own way through. Do what you can, get as much as you can out of your day. Keep your head high and don't spiral. It is constant work but there is no other way, you don't want to be the sad sap sulking through life. It's a beautiful world and when the day is done, you crawl into bed where it's safe and for a little while the outside world doesn't matter.
p.s. I wrote this for myself, sometimes I need to give myself a pep talk to kinda snap me out of a funk. Maybe it'll help someone else too.
-Marco
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